January 1st is a day of new beginnings. It is a day of starting fresh, making goals and moving forward.
I am very happy that 2014 is over, but I am having a hard time accepting the traditions of a new year. I don't want to start a new year without my best friend. I don't want to admit that she is gone, and that last year was the last time we would run out into her yard and yell "Happy New Year!" while banging pots so loud and vigorously that the neighbours threaten to call the police. I don't want to move on. I cannot accept that she will not be there on my birthdays, or, if the day should come, my wedding day. She was too special to just let her life slip away, and accept that she is gone.
She has come to see me a few times in my dreams lately. She has told me each time that she is going to die; that she only has until the end of the week. And every time, I tell her that I am spending every minute with her until that moment. She wasn't sick, and in her true life, there is no reason that she would have known that she was going to die that night. And I think she fought to live. She wasn't giving up. I can't stand the thought of her being gone. She can't be.
But she is. Every year we have a theme. It is something to think about as the year goes by: a mantra of sorts. Last year's theme was "Things are Gonna Happen", and things certainly did happen. They happened whether we liked them or not. And whether we wanted them to or not. A lot of people died last year. Souls left this earth and went on without the rest of us. It has been a terribly sad year. So this year's theme is "Take a Leap (and add some glitter)". This is a year to start fresh again. A year to celebrate, a year to love yourself, and treat yourself, and take a chance on yourself. I have friends back home in Canada who are looking for a new job: leap. I have a friend getting married: leap. I have a couple of friends expecting little ones throughout the year: leap! I don't know what this year will hold in store for me. I really couldn't say, but in any case, it is a matter of taking things into your own hands and doing something. And when I say "add some glitter" I don't always exclusively mean glitter, although that could be fun. I mean, take your leap with personality; make it your leap.
So with this new year upon us, I will "Take a Leap" on day one and tell myself that I will work to accept that she is gone. She will always be in my heart. And I hope that she continues to come and visit, even until I am an old woman sitting in a rocker on my front porch. But for now, she is not present on this planet anymore. And though I hate to say goodbye to the last year that my best friend was with us, I have to say "Happy New Year" to 2015 because I am determined to make this a happy year. I will continue to do "Rue things" and celebrate her life and the things we shared, and I will never forget her. She is my best friend always and forever, because not even death can separate the love and friendship that we had. But my life is going on and she would be the first person to tell me not to waste my life with sadness, and to get up, put on some music and go be glamorous!